Diary of a Wimpy Kid《小屁孩日记》(转载)

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Schoolmaster: And finally, some positions have opened up for the Safety Patrol. If anyone is interested, see Mr. Winsky after homeroom.
　　
　　Greg: Now that's what I'm talking about. Safety Patrol. The cops of middle school. You boss people around, report the jerks, and miss class three times a week.
　　
　　Mr. Winsky: Safety Patrol is a sacred trust. When you put on this vest and that badge you become a protector of the weak. You become an enforcer of the laws of this school, because today's litterer and jaywalker is tomorrow's window breaker and graffiti vandal, and it's our job to stop it. So I ask you, are you up for the job?
　　
　　Greg & Rowley: Yes!
　　
　　Mr. Winsky: Then welcome to Safety Patrol. Just remember, with great power...
　　
　　Greg: Whoa.
　　
　　Mr. Winsky: ...comes great responsibility. Now, you get your first assignment just after lunch, so you'll be excused from the first 20 minutes of sixth period.
　　
　　Rowley: But that means we'll miss Algebra...Ouch!
　　
　　Greg: Do we get free stuff? Free hot cocoa.
　　
　　Rowley: Could this day get any better?
　　
　　Boy: Whoa, is that cocoa?
　　
　　Greg: Sorry, Safety Patrol only.
　　
　　Rowley: Sorry.
　　
　　Angie: You rejected the school paper, but you joined the Safety Patrol? Look, are you working your way down the evolutionary ladder?
　　
　　Greg: What?
　　
　　Angie: Look, Safety Patrol is the lowest of the low, the geekiest of the geeky, the Island of Misfit Toys.
　　
　　Greg: You're just jealous they don't trust you to keep our school safe. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to secure the perimeter.
　　
　　Kid: I'm hungry.
　　
　　Rowley: Keep it straight, people. Single-file line, one by one. Greg! It's those guys from Halloween! What do we do?
　　
　　Guy 1: Come on, man, just pull my finger. I swear to God, I'm not gonna do anything.
　　
　　Rowley: Everybody, shoulder to shoulder. Shoulder to shoulder.
　　
　　Greg: Go. Go!
　　
　　Guy 2: Whoa, whoa.
　　
　　Rowley: That was close.
　　
　　Greg: Too close. It's times like these that make me realize Rowley's pretty lucky to have me as a friend.
　　
　　Rowley: And I got Twisted Wizard Two, and a new bike! And we're going to take a family trip to New York City for New Year's Eve! What did you get?
　　
　　Greg: My dad got me a weight-lifting set. Do you know how many video games I could've gotten instead? I had to get out of there before he expected me to, like, use it. Anyway, let's play some Twisted Wizard Two at your house.
　　
　　Rowley: Probably not a good idea. My dad's still annoyed at you.
　　
　　Greg: For what?
　　
　　Rowley: Remember that secret language we made up last week?
　　
　　Greg: Your-pa dad-pa smells-pa like-pa a woman-pa.
　　
　　Rowley: I think he cracked our code.
　　
　　Greg: We should probably do something outside.
　　
　　Rowley: Why can't you ride and I throw at you first?
　　
　　Greg: My legs kind of hurt from walking over here. (The snowball hits Rowley’s bike and Rowley flies) Okay, Rowley. Come on. Get up. Shake it off.
　　
　　********************************
　　
　　Greg: Are you sure the doctor was right? It really didn't look that broken to me.
　　
　　Rowley: Yeah, it's broken. The X-ray never lies.
　　
　　Girl 1: Oh, my gosh. What happened?
　　
　　Rowley: I broke it.
　　
　　Girl 1: How?
　　
　　Rowley: Big Wheel accident.
　　
　　Girl 2: You're funny.
　　
　　Girl 1: Can I sign your cast?
　　
　　Girl 2: Me, too.
　　
　　Girl 3: I wanna sign it, too.
　　
　　Rowley: Why, sure.
　　
　　Greg: Hey, I'm the one who broke his hand.
　　
　　Girl 1: Then you're a jerk.
　　
　　Rowley: Sorry.
　　
　　Girls: Does it hurt? Rowley, you're so funny.
　　
　　Rowley: After I stood...
　　
　　Greg: I couldn't believe it! Rowley was eating at an actual table because of something I did! Where's my credit? And he's right handed! He can feed himself just fine.
　　
　　Angie: So, how's that class favorite thing working out for you?
　　
　　Greg: Great. I realized Rowley's injury thing was a pretty good racket.
　　
　　Girl 1: It's gonna be so much fun.
　　
　　Greg: Hey, guys. Check it out.
　　
　　Girl 1: Oh, my gosh, what happened?
　　
　　Greg: It's a raging infection caused by a splinter that was left untreated. Want to be the first to sign my sympathy sheet?
　　
　　Girl 1: Eh...No.
　　
　　Fregley: I'll sign it, Greg Heffley, if you'd let me look at your infection.